Love at First Grab – By Kaz Matamura


By Guest Blogger: KAZ MATAMURA — Japanese (read bio)

Here’s something that may totally change the way you think about Japanese women.

When you watch old Japanese films, pay attention to where women are walking. They ALWAYS walk behind men, and they are not looking up when they walk, but they have wandering eyes.

The reason for this is that they are checking out the men’s ASS.

I don’t understand why some women get upset when men are only attracted to big bosomed women, instead of seeing the person inside. It works both ways. If it didn’t, advertisers would never spend so much money designing the perfect packaging for detergent and chocolate. Women have equal right to check out all packages.

Whoever invented the magazine PLAYGIRL was a moron. Great news for gay men, but we girls are not interested in what’s obvious. When a woman sees an erect penis, she doesn’t get aroused, she gets suspicious. We are more complicated than that.

There are girls who like abs, wide shoulders, a deep voice or a pretty face. But me, I’m an Ass Girl. Doesn’t mean I’m a jerk. I enjoy watching tight buns, not the wiggly kind, but the swishy kind.

When it comes men’s buns, I am as picky as Goldilocks, except three isn’t a magic number for me. And no matter how much I adore my own race’s intelligence, tidiness and sweetness, I cannot take 65% of Asian buns. They remind me of a flat computer monitor. Not too exciting. And if their owners don’t workout when they get older, their buns look like the face on Edward Munch’s painting, “The Scream”.

Then there are Black men’s buns. This is what I call the “real deal.” They are beautifully puffy. I especially like them when they shine like black pearls. But for my tiny hands, they are often too overwhelming. I often have the urge to just to grab on, but I refuse to look like I’m trying to climb a coconut tree

White men’s buns are friendly and non-threatening in my eyes. But I’ve noticed that when white men get fat, their buns don’t droop or puff out, but grow side ways.

So I decided the worked out Spanish buns are most ideal to my hands.

Regardless of race, I do not like petite olive colored buns or fat Tofu buns. Peach is okay, but I like it shiny not fuzzy.

I have found that my FINGERS are the best way to judge comfortably cushioned strong buns. When they’re squeezed, you may see dimples on both cheeks. I call these ideal buns “tomato asses”.

When you are looking for the perfect tomato to pluck, proper assessment is key. It will make it easier if you give the subject a hug to be certain he has the goods. First, act friendly. Give the subject the kind of a hug that shows that you are not frigid, but more of an open free-spirited type of person. If you are short, take advantage of it. If you are tall, stand a step below the subject. Do not let him hold you under your arms. You must let his arms go over your shoulders. Then, step into his tummy area, and slowly hug him. If he is big, like a mattress, and if you have short arms like me, it’s your lucky day. You should be able to land one hand on each cheek. Gently pat the material. Do not hold it for too long or squeeze too aggressively. Don’t get frightened or you may also frighten the subject. It may take a few tries to get the technique down.

The packaging is equally as important: Underwear.

To be honest, looking at a man in his underwear, even without socks, is definitely not a turn on. We are more into feeling and touching than watching. And when you see tight bikini briefs on a man, you feel like releasing “it” so “it” can breathe.

Elephant pants – they makes me want to drop everything and go home. This is what I call Jerry Lewis humor. You are sacrificing your pride to get a laugh.  Men without pride is like a sugar free cotton candy. What’s the use?

No silly trunks – unless you are playing strip poker. I do not want my man to feel obliged to make me laugh all the time.

My favorite is the classic. A sparkling brand new pair of “Tighty Whities”. Younger women may be afraid of these; for fear that they may indicate that he is a “mama’s boy”. To me, it tells me he is a man who’s not afraid of letting go – he can throw them away once they start to thin, if the rubber waistband loses its elasticity, or turn yellow.

I don’t mind men not wearing any underwear at all as long as it’s with jeans, and safely worn, and nothing gets caught in the gaping maws of the zipper.

No matter what kind of underwear he uses, when you get married make sure your hubby switches to the tighty whities for laundry reasons.

I’m hoping this may open a window of opportunity for all couples to have a conversation that may start with something like, “Honey, what do you think about my underwear?” I just want all women to be able express their tastes, because I had to learn the hard way.

My expertise on this subject didn’t come easy.

When I was young and fresh, I dated a baseball player. It was during baseball season, and he was storing and using his energy for games ONLY. In the beginning, it was exciting and it was enough to just go out dinner or shopping to pick out shirts for him. After a while, just doing the “nice going out thing” was killing me. Later, I couldn’t even bring myself to the games, because I felt like a diabetic woman in a candy store.

We broke up in one September afternoon. We were both heartbroken. I was able to say, “Can I just touch your buns?It may have saved our relationship.

But if this pain has taught me anything, it is that I have learned how to set boundaries, while communicating each other’s needs. You cannot live on tomatoes alone. Balance of need, want and what we can have is the key to any healthy relationship.

Now that I’m older and wiser, I look for intelligence and nice conversations – at least while he is sitting. Conversations with men who can speak their minds without thinking about what others think, or those that do as they please, is what I love most. There are too many men who prefer to be liked rather than to be heard, and I can’t trust those opinion benders. I like men with guts who can fight me, argue with me and tell me I’m wrong. I know in the end I’m always right. And, because I am always telling them what to do, I like a man who tells me what to do. I never do what he tells me to do, but again, I respect that the man has the guts to be an asshole.

Yes, that’s right. I love assholes, as in he’s a jerk. I can trust that breed of men, because I know that they are being up front and honest. Maybe I’m looking at their behind instead of their front because I feel like many men are castrated. I seek passion – the kind of passion that there is between a matador and a bull. Like Maureen O’Hara and John Wayne – the “table-flipping” and “throwing-water” kind of passion.

Why do we try to act so civilized anyway? Why do we have to feel guilty when anyone if offended by any thing we do or say? We are too nice to let the whiners and complainers get what they want. Taboos and rules are making us paranoid, and we need to be told what not to do before we figure out what we need to do. We are numbing our own judgment. We accept lies or double talk because that’s what civilized society does.  If the wheel squeaks too loud, replace it.  Don’t oil an old and bitter wheel.

But wasn’t it the civilized people that were supposed to rise above from the uncivilized society, and lead the example of ideal society? It surely looks like other way around nowadays.

Maybe we should be little bit wilder, willing to break the rules. We have been tamed too long. We need to release our animal side and do something that feels right.

So here’s my message to all men kind:

Be an animal. Go wild. Speak the truth. And shake your asses. Eat tomatoes.

70 Responses to “Love at First Grab – By Kaz Matamura”

  1. Tim says:

    You rock! Gambatte!
    Anata no shimobe,
    Tim

  2. Lydia says:

    I love this blog site and always look forward to new posts. You are so funny and entertaining. Keep up the good work,

    • kaz says:

      Thank you so much!!! what shall i write about next?

      • Lydia says:

        Hi Kaz, thanks for responding. Anything you write is always GREAT, I am a big fan but I think I would like to hear what you think about your experiences in Hollywood or your most memorable experience in the U.S. and how it has changed your outlook on life. Again, anything you write is interesting to me. I always look forward to your new posts.

  3. Paul says:

    Happy Valentines Day you little nymphet. I love a sexy intelligent woman. You’re adorable with brains to match. Oh my!

    • kaz says:

      well, looks will go (one day I would look like Yoda, like many other Asian ladies do), but brain will stay…. nowadays, they try to preserve the brains of weird people… (genius to serial killers). So there is a life beyond death for brains…

  4. sugarpie says:

    You write so well I really enjoy reading your blogs. I think I said it before on another post, your outlook on life is just great. I can’t wait to see what you’ll say next. You’re like a breath of fresh air. Big fan.

  5. Lyndon says:

    You are a fascinating woman Kazito and would be available to touch my buns any time. BTW I’m Latino. Don’t judge by the name. :-) Happy valentine’s Day. Come check me out on Facebook.

  6. tao42 says:

    no it didn’t change my mind. Japanese women your all still snivelling that bow to the white man.

    • Amazon500 says:

      @tao42 u sound like an angry a$$h*le, perhaps u have a flat tiny ass with a tiny p*&n*s to match. lol. don’t be a hater get Extense or one of those enhancers. :-)

    • kaz says:

      At least we don’t bow to men with fake tits hanging. I have never seen so many cosmetic surgery till I moved HERE. And please do not tell me that women get fake tits not for men, but for her own self-esteem. I see American men feeling inadequate if he is not making enough money to serve women’s needs. Submissiveness is not RACE or GENDER thing.
      Plus, Japanese know that Americans don’t bow… so we won’t bow to them. Americans bow to me thinking that’s what we do … that’s odd…
      Anyway, stop being bitter about Japanese women… or white men…. or people in general.

      • Epithany says:

        wtf hi kaz you go girl you are fystey and i like how your answer this jerk tao42 he make no sence you dont bow and i like that he must be gay and jelos of your buty and inteligens

  7. cassandrababy says:

    Kaz I love your blog although I disagree. Black men have the best buns. Hands down. White men are flat in more ways than i want to count :-), asian men just can’t cut it, latino men are not bad at all, yum yum but black men ooh la la especially nigerians, hmmm.

    • kaz says:

      Well… i have one actor friend (Asian) who has the tightest fresh buns. I agree with black buns… visually. But they are just too overwhelming for my lil paws. Like a full size round black forest cake. It’s gorgeous… but I can just take a little slice … small bites.

    • Francesca B. says:

      @cassandrababy: Black guys can fill ’em can’t they? Love those black buns those footballers make me go nuts. Never had or felt Nigerian but looking…

  8. slurpee1978 says:

    Kaz you’re an Ass Girl. Well I don’t like abs, wide shoulders, a deep voice or pretty face. What I like I can’t print. Get my drift? :-) then LOL.

  9. Me says:

    another great blog, what did you do for valentine’s day?

    • kaz says:

      We cooked fried rice with left overs. (True)…. but try to say it ten times… “fried rice with left overs.” it’s tough. Tougher than “sushi chef”

  10. Amazon500 says:

    kaz i am digging this blog so much. and put my two cents on comments by that idiot @tao42 and @slurpee1978. i’ll be back.

  11. Strident227 says:

    really love the article – especially because it talks about the ass-ets of different racial groups, things like that fascinate me. you write in a beautiful funny way that takes away any offence which is not always easy to do. congratulations on this one.

    • kaz says:

      Seriously, I think because I am Asian, I can get away with a lot of stuff. Actually I see a lot of reverse racism / over-sensitivity around me (in LA) and that makes me sad. Thank you for your sweet comments! xx

  12. softballlover says:

    GReat entertaining read. You should do stand up comedy?

    • kaz says:

      I rather be sitting on my yellow tail and write…. Seriously, I have too much respect to stand up comedians for me to just do it. It is ART FORM – and hard hard profession. thank you so much for the compliment though!

  13. facebookderrick500 says:

    i love it

  14. Kalymm says:

    Most women list a sense of humor as one of the essential quality they look for in a man, yet you don’t want a man to feel obligated to make you laugh all the time. I am funny myself and I find it a good way to ease tensions when meeting someone ofr the first time. I mean funny is funny. You either have it or you don’t but I like to think that once you have that gift, whether it’s Jerry Lewis or Robin Williams or Eddie Murphy, you should use it to make your woman happy. Your take on men’s body parts specifically the ass is not falling down on the floor laughing funny, but I can see how if you were my woman I could have fun with your statements and make you laugh even more. Appreciate funny it goes a long way.

  15. Pinky says:

    I dated an Asian man for 9 months and he had the greatest tightest buns, very athletic. I wasn’t an ass person before, but definitely now. I like how you speak freely and don’t give a rat’s ass about what people think. I like this blog, yours an dthe other ladies. Good job.

  16. Cole says:

    Hey, we released our animal side and did things that felt right in the 60’s with the hippie movement…and where did that get us, hmm? We are the species with the highest intelligence and that’s why it is essential that we act civilized so please don’t tell us to stop acting in a civilized manner. Grabbing men’s asses is a form of sexual harassment. How would you like it if I grabbed YOUR ass or boobs or crotch? I would be hauled off to jail for assault. Your post is good in a funny sort of way but it hides a support for sometimes unwanted contact that could be perceived as sexual in nature.

    • kaz says:

      If you are gutsy enuf to come grab my ass, I would admire you for that. But I bet you CANNOT. You are incapable of it. It’s too “what if / purple cow” theory for you. :-)

      There are THREE KIND OF HAPPINESS we need to balance:
      #1 Happiness as sexual creature (as LOVER, Woman or man!)
      #2 Happiness as a member of society (Money, status, responsibility, as husband or wife, good food)
      #3 Happiness as an expressive individual with opportunities to exercise their feelings (Thru arts and entertainment, or good food again..)

      #2 became our “proving point” and we took funds out of arts (#3), and put in to sports/entertainment(also #3), and took advantage of repressed sexuality (#1) and replaced with PORN and made industries out of it.

      What i am saying – BE A HUMAN – FEEL AND BE FELT! I love being touched, cuddled and hugged. But also “BE WELL BALANCED HUMAN.” If you go grab a stranger’s ass without permission, you are just rude. (thus #2 violated)

      Also … GUESS where would we be without hippie movements in the 60s. Where music, movies, drafts, media would be without it?

      All I am saying is “Give Piece of Ass a chance”

  17. Camgirls says:

    Kax love your advice at the end will do.

  18. TroubadourKenny says:

    So you like bad boyz?

  19. beulah says:

    you are better off without that baseball player, i can’t see you as a ball player’s wife or girlfriend your too spirited and independant for that. these guys are just cheaters and i think you would not put up with that behavior you would castrate him by now he would be singing soprano, right? :-)

  20. glorious says:

    R U Serious? I thought Japanese and Chinese women were just timid and beat down and that’s why they couldn’t look UP at anyone or look anyone in their eyes. All this time they are checking our bootys? That’s hilarious!! I guess the joke’s on us ladies.

    • kaz says:

      Jokes are always on ladies!!!
      Women (regardless of races) are more opinionated than men generally. Especially when it comes to relationships, it is usually women who call the shots. Me thinks…

  21. Yi Akamiro says:

    You are a breath of fresh air missy. As we English call it a ‘great cup of tea’. However Kaz, you should try some good old English buns, my favourite – muffins don’t compare. :-)

  22. tb1213 says:

    I LIKE YOUR STYLE KAZ. DOWN TO EARTH, FUNNY & HOT LIKE HELL! :-)

  23. katieface says:

    If whoever invented Playgirl is a moron why is Hefner considered as a genius? Is it good to ogle women but bad to do the same to men? Women are still treated like objects in the 21st century. More women posting comments should be outraged by your statement. sounds sexist to me.

    • kaz says:

      please do your home work before posting. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Playgirl

      You hate being treated like an object? Then, stop being one. I know so many women who do not allow themselves to be treated like objects or sex bunnies – nor they won’t put themselves in that kind of situation.
      We all have choices.

      All of us have pre-exisiting (color of skin, physical limitations, class, etc) and/or situational(money, sickness, etc) obstacles to overcome. So whenever people start waving “-ism flags,” it makes me want to yell – YOU LAZY ENTITLED SPOILED LAZY BRATZZZZZ.” If you are not happy about who you are, stop whining and do something about it.

      Do you have any issue being a woman?

      Personally, I LOOOOOVE being woman.

      Lastly – Could you call me “SEXIEST” – instead of sexist?

  24. tornado1 says:

    Kaz do you choose the title for your posts because I really, really like this one. Great job.

  25. chimpy says:

    you’re a handful you know that your life must be full with drama everyday drama drama drama.

    • kaz says:

      Yes, you are right. I am handful… and I exhaust myself… so believe or not I am pretty mellow after 9 AM throughout the day.

      Also, I don’t do drama that I don’t get paid for. Only drama I do is THEATAAAHHH!

  26. JoAnne says:

    Way to go Kaz but I’m a size DOES matter gal. :-)

  27. TJM says:

    Some of my friends were talking about this blog at the gym and I couldn’t wait to check it out especially yours. I love it. Thanks for the insight on Japanese women who I find incredibly fascinating. I enjoyed reading your thoughts. I must say I find your writing a sensual tease int he purest, cleanest form of the word on account of it really stimulates provocative intellectual thought. I am impressed even more because English is not your first language. I sound like I’m rambling but feel like I know you through your writing and can almost see your enjoyment as you write from your heart and soul. I look foward to reading more from you and will start with some of your older blogs this weekend. In general you ladies do a great job on this site and I will come back. Well done!

  28. kimberly says:

    yeah nice

  29. BARBARA W. says:

    very funny blog. some men wear the same under wear for weeks, and women still sleep with them. only CLEAN under wear is a turn on only. :-)

  30. vanessa says:

    This girl is on crack. LOL

  31. Jeromy Vivanco says:

    I have got to say that your website and writing style is pretty magnificent… Continue the excellent work!

  32. Bernaudo462 says:

    hi nice blog^^

  33. twazzy says:

    you are articulate and well-written.

  34. Aspendude says:

    Nice post. You are stimulating to read, it’s a compliment not sleazey.

  35. Ericjohnson12 says:

    Love the post! You are a delightful little doll. I love your energy and love of life.

  36. The Devine Mrs L says:

    Crazy Kitty, you are too funny! Where were you when I was —-? Great advise.

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